What Leaders Need to Know About Feedback

Across organizations of all sizes, one conversation people consistently struggle with is the feedback conversation. If you want an organization to be innovative, agile, and high-performing, you need a reliable way for people to reflect on what’s going well and what’s not.

It sounds simple. People need to be able to offer and receive feedback from a place of good intention. Teams need to improve how they work together in order to improve results.

In short, you want to create a culture of feedback. And that’s harder than it sounds.

Consider Jorge,* a first-time CEO of a fast-growing digital marketing firm in New York City. He loved the collegial vibe of the company. People genuinely liked one another and enjoyed coming to work.

But he quickly realized something was missing: tough feedback. Colleagues weren’t delivering hard messages because they feared damaging relationships or hurting feelings.

Instead, they created workarounds. Team members would talk about weaknesses in general terms, but they avoided candid conversations with the individuals directly involved.

Six months into his tenure, Jorge recognized something else — he wasn’t receiving direct feedback either. Despite the silence, he knew people had thoughts about how he could improve.

As a first-time CEO, he was overwhelmed. There was so much to learn and constant uncertainty. He decided to focus intentionally on changing the feedback culture at the firm and to create personal processes for getting the feedback he needed.

When leaders become better at receiving feedback, three clear benefits emerge:

• They improve faster because they receive candid coaching.
• They model the behavior of continuous learning.
• They become more empathetic and effective feedback givers.
  

ACE: Three Types of Feedback

One challenge with the word “feedback” is that it’s vague. It’s actually an umbrella term that includes at least three distinct types of input necessary for growth and improvement.

A is for Appreciation.
Appreciation communicates that someone is seen and valued. It highlights what’s going well and articulates it specifically.

C is for Coaching.
Coaching focuses on improvement. It may happen in a formal conversation or in small moments — comments on a draft, a debrief after a meeting, a quick suggestion in the hallway. Effective coaching is specific and includes both what could change and how to change it.

E is for Evaluation.
Evaluation answers the question: Where do I stand? Did I meet expectations? Exceed them? Fall short? Evaluation measures performance against a defined standard.

All three types are necessary. People need to feel valued. They need to know how to improve. And, even if it’s uncomfortable, they need clarity about where they stand.

Some organizations have attempted to eliminate formal evaluations. While this may reduce paperwork, it doesn’t eliminate evaluation. In the absence of clarity, people start searching for signals everywhere:

Did my boss’s tone change?
Why did they say “good job” instead of “great job”?
Should I be worried?

It’s better to be explicit about appreciation, coaching, and evaluation — just not all at once. Appreciation and coaching should happen frequently. Evaluation, whether formal or informal, should be used more sparingly to avoid making people feel constantly judged.

When Jorge examined the culture at his firm, appreciation was abundant — which was positive. But coaching was limited, and evaluation was nearly nonexistent.

Employees didn’t know how they were doing. Receiving a paycheck was the only signal they had. They were hungry for coaching and clarity.

The Three Triggers

Building a feedback culture isn’t as simple as telling people to “give more feedback.” It’s important to understand what makes feedback difficult in the first place.

When people receive feedback, three common reactions often surface. These reactions can act like defenders, blocking the message before it’s even considered.

Think about a time someone important offered advice you rejected. A parent. A mentor. A boss. Why didn’t you take it?

In many cases, rejection falls into one of three categories:

1. Truth Triggers

This happens when the feedback doesn’t feel accurate. It may lack context, contain incomplete information, or include factual errors. Once the brain spots something wrong, it often dismisses the entire message — a phenomenon sometimes called “wrongspotting.”

2. Relationship Triggers

Here, the issue is who is delivering the feedback. If there’s low trust, low respect, or unclear intent, the message is easier to reject. The same feedback delivered by a trusted mentor may be welcomed, while coming from someone less trusted, it’s dismissed.

3. Identity Triggers

This reaction is personal. Some people process feedback easily; others feel it deeply. Sensitivity varies widely. Feedback can land as a helpful suggestion for one person and a blow to identity for another.

Understanding these triggers is useful for both receivers and givers. As a receiver, self-awareness allows space to consider feedback before discarding it. As a giver, recognizing these reactions helps in preparing for more thoughtful, effective conversations.

What Helps?

1. Acknowledge Blind Spots

Everyone has blind spots — traits, behaviors, or impacts visible to others but invisible to themselves. Some are obvious (like facial expressions or tone of voice). Others are more complex, such as how leadership style affects a team.

The higher someone rises in an organization, the less feedback they often receive. Colleagues may hesitate to share observations upward, limiting growth opportunities.

Two practical steps help:

• Proactively seek developmental feedback. Research shows leaders who do so experience greater career satisfaction, adaptability, and advancement.
• When feedback feels untrue, pause. If similar input has surfaced before, it may be pointing to a blind spot rather than a misunderstanding.
  

2. Ask for “One Thing”

Avoid asking, “Do you have feedback for me?” That’s too broad.

Instead, ask for one specific thing. This forces prioritization and makes it easier to absorb.

For appreciation:

• “What’s one thing I’m doing well that you’d like me to continue?”

For coaching:

• “What’s one thing I’m doing — or not doing — that’s getting in my way?”
• “What’s one thing I could change that would make your work easier?”

For evaluation:

• “What’s one thing I could do next time to better meet or exceed expectations?”

The key is presuming there is at least one area for growth. Avoid closed-ended questions like, “Is there anything I should change?” Those often prompt polite reassurance rather than useful input.

Jorge adopted a simple ritual: at the end of meetings, he asked for one thing he was doing — or failing to do — that was getting in his way. He wrote the responses down and occasionally shared one publicly, choosing feedback that was insightful, humorous, or even uncomfortable.

Over time, this practice helped normalize feedback and accelerated his development as a leader.

3. Use a Containment Chart

Feedback can feel bigger than it is. A containment chart helps right-size it by clarifying:

• What is this feedback about?
• What is it not about?

For example: “This observation is about how you handled this one client call. It’s not about your overall competence. It’s one data point, not your entire identity.”

Leaders’ words carry weight. Even small comments can be amplified in the minds of others. Clarifying scope prevents distortion and reduces unnecessary anxiety.